Before we go looking for someone we can date, we already have our own relationship standard in place. This means that we have a clear idea of how we want our relationship to be. We also know the kind of person we want to be in a relationship with. Interestingly, this standard changes when we enter a real relationship.
How Our Relationship Standard Evolves
We all know that we cannot have everything that our hearts desire when talking about relationships. For example, we cannot have a woman or man who is good-looking, is good in business, is athletic, works as a model, and so on. This kind of person is just idealistic. The same goes with our relationship – everything can’t be smooth all the time. Although some of our preferences are unrealistic, you’ll be glad to know that they actually change when we enter into a relationship.
A study in the Journal of Personality And Individual Differences looked into our expectations before and after a relationship. There was 408 participants and they included single people, new couples, and couples who have been together for years. They were interviewed about their ideal partner. Then, after six months, the survey was given again to single people who went into a relationship since the first survey.
It was suggested that our ideals change. Instead of focusing on the perfect image of a partner, we match our preferences with the traits, characteristics, and personality of the person we are with currently.
Doing A Balancing Act
This tells us something very clear: we need to balance expectation with reality. It is not a bad thing to have preferences and ideals. However, they need to be more grounded, balancing our expectations with our reality. How can we do this?
- Connect with others using both feelings and reason.
- Know what’s most important to you (Example: looks VS being responsible)
- Be open-minded when meeting people.
- Don’t be afraid to try new ways of meeting people (Example: dating apps, if you haven’t tried it yet)
It’s important to know that you should never lower your standards just so you can find a person to be with. Consequently, your standards need to be readjusted when they are too high. The best way to approach this would be to balance. For more relationship and dating hacks, make sure you read other posts on the blog.