In life, it is very rare for anything to just be black or white. In difficult times as the ones we’re experiencing, it is also very tempting to idealize the past and the old way of life – probably because we feel like it lifts a weight off our shoulders. We can blame modern dating for being an awful monster, feeling like there’s not much we can do to fight it.
Modern Dating Is Really Not The Monster
When we are looking for that special someone to love and to be loved by, when we are desperate for real emotions, when genuine, healthy, happy long-term relationships are more scarcely seen than the Loch Ness monster, this is when we look for something to blame that is not our responsibility. Is it all modern dating’s fault, though?
Is Simpler Always Better?
Back in our parents’ time, things may have been simpler, but that doesn’t mean they were better. You were introduced to someone that was moderately compatible with you, for example a family friend or someone others thought was a catch because he happened to have a profitable job, and you’d be crazy to let the opportunity go, not date them and end up unmarried and childless at 25.
Nowadays, there is a seemingly endless amount of people to choose from, and we often feel lost in the sea of opportunities. Yes, it is hard to find someone out there who can appreciate you for who you are and who can really integrate into your life, sharing your lifestyle and interests. With opportunity also comes responsibility. Could it be we have grown afraid of too much freedom? Can we really be spoilt for choice?
We also tend to blame the social media, dating apps, and dating sites for the superficiality of our relationships. Things are really simple, though. If you’re looking for something more serious and long-term, all you need to do is be up-front and honest about your intentions. There are so many people out there looking for the same thing as you are – just let them know you are available.
A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
The more we blame modern dating for our troubled love lives (or the lack thereof), the more we believe in a self-fulfilling prophecy that it’s never going to work for us.
Yes, you will only ever attract one-night stands if you are presenting yourself as someone who’s after them. Of course, a lady will make communication hard for you if you play hard-to-get and make her wait and wait until you text. And she’ll phub you when you’re out on a date if you can’t put your mobile away when she’s talking to you too. You will only ever meet superficial people if you are afraid to be vulnerable on your dates and present only the side of you that you want others to see. It’s not about karma – it’s the give-and-take involved in all relationships.
The Genders’ Roles
Today, sexuality is not as clearly defined as it used to be, nor are the genders’ roles considered as hard-wired as they were a few decades ago. People can date whoever they want – irrespective of age, gender, sexual preferences or other likes and fetishes. Modern dating offers people the chance to connect with like-minded people from all four corners of the Earth, with dating apps opening up a new world where you don’t need to travel the world for a potential partner.
Perhaps it’s time to stop romanticizing a time when men and women had such defined roles they were never seen as equals. Isn’t it a good thing both men and women can be proud of their sexuality? Isn’t it a huge step forward that they can choose the roles they want to have in a relationship instead of being made to play the roles society has chosen for them?
Killing The Real Monster
Was there ever a time when dating wasn’t awkward or hard? Was there ever a time when people didn’t play games, cheating wasn’t a part of life and falling in love wasn’t both life-affirming and scary? Human relationships have always been a minefield, but they have also been a fun and exciting part of life. And they still are. So when the right person shows up – whether on a dating app or IRL – it won’t matter where or how. Modern dating will restore your faith in love, and the monster will be gone for good.