Couples have their differences. Just because two people are in a loving relationship, it doesn’t mean that they will get along every day without running into arguments or minor squabbles. These are all normal when you are with someone who may not have the same perception, values, or expectations as you. What’s important is that issues are resolved appropriately. With that said, we, at Asian Date, share a simple technique that can make conflict resolution easier and quicker.
Asian Date: How To Use The HEAL Technique
The HEAL technique was developed by Melanie Greenberg Ph.D. of The Mindful Self-Express. HEAL stands for Hear, Empathize, Act, and Love. To make conflict resolution within the relationship easier, it is suggested that you use the HEAL technique this way:
When the conflict is on-going, it’s best to hear what your partner has to say. Hearing is just the first half of what you need to do. You have to understand and be mentally present, so you know where your partner is coming from. Understanding and mental presence is essential in this case because you have to be sensitive with non-verbal cues as well.
The next step is to empathize with your partner. Empathizing is different from sympathize because it’s not merely understanding how the person feels, but understanding why the person feels a certain way. Empathizing allows you to see things from your partner’s perspective.
Acting is basically implementing the changes that need to happen. Act on what needs to be done right now, but if the solution to your conflict will take time, make sure that you show your partner that you are willing to make the changes.
Finally, love. Love has something to do with you taking the initiative to bring back the loving feelings you had before the relationship conflict. When we imagine the situation as healing a wound, this step is similar to putting ointment on the wound to make it heal faster. You need to bring your relationship back to a more ideal state after your fight or argument.
When both of you in the relationship practice the HEAL technique, it’s going to make conflict resolution less stressful. It’s not going to be a walk in the park when you do decide to make use of this technique, but when you get the hang of it, the conflicts you experience will be more manageable. For more Asian Date tips on relationships, check out our blog here.