If your girlfriend is always bringing up the past whenever you have an argument, you’ll definitely feel annoyed. In fact, what you feel could be more than just annoyance. You could feel angry because nothing you do is ever good enough. All the good things that you have done will never outweigh the bad stuff you did in the past. Does this sound familiar?
The Healthiest Way To Deal With A Partner Who Is Always Bringing Up The Past
Definitely, you are not alone. Plenty of women do this but this isn’t to say that only women have this habit. Some men in relationships do this too. Essentially, here are some of the reasons why your girlfriend is always bringing up the past:
1. No Validation
Your girlfriend may not feel like you have understood her point and her feelings fully. She always brings up the past because she wants you to understand. Just like you, she feels just as frustrated because you never seem to get it.
Healthy Solution: Stop talking and actively listen. Name your girl’s emotion and repeat, in your own words, what she is trying to say. For example, “I know that you feel angry and frustrated. I understand that you felt like I wasn’t giving you enough time before, but now I am fixing it.”
2. She doesn’t feel like the past problem was repaired.
When the past has already been fixed, it shouldn’t be brought up anymore. Another reason why your girlfriend is always bringing up the past is that, to her, it may not have been fully dealt with.
Healthy Solution: Ask what the best solution is. A healthy discussion of what needs to be done in order to fix the problem should be executed. Discuss why your girl feels like the problem wasn’t fixed, and decide on the best solution to move forward.
3. She needs you to do something.
Your girl can sometimes feel insecure in a relationship when you have done her plenty of wrongs in the past. She could still be bringing up what you did before because she needs you to hug her, open up to her, or console her.
Healthy Solution: Ask your girl to express what she needs. Once she shares it with you, do your best to meet her need. It’s that simple!
Bringing up the past is not fair to you, but you can never ignore how your partner feels. This is why it’s so important for you to work together to get through this issue. For more tips on strengthening relationships, check out more of our blog.