Finding a life partner is no mean feat. There’s a sea of potential lovers and spouses out there who are waiting to be “tried and tested” and it can be an overwhelming experience. But even when you do find your significant other and spend a few years of your life together, problems like feeling bored, or like you’re stuck in a rut once the honeymoon phase is over will often emerge making you wonder if you have made the right choice. If you’re feeling like you’re in a kind of stale relationship, don’t despair – there are ways to breathe new life into it.
What Is A Stale Relationship Like?
A stale relationship is one where you feel like you’re doing the same thing over and over again, lacking much excitement and the feeling of adventure. It’s one that, well, just doesn’t feel “fresh” anymore.
Can You Make A Stale Relationship Fresh Again?
If genuine emotions of love and admiration are there, of course, you can. All it takes is a bit of effort and willingness from both partners. Here are some ways to improve things.
First of all, you need to be able to address the elephant in the room. You can feel the boredom, and it’s more than probable that so does your significant other. There’s no reason to lay blame or pretend it’s not there, though. The first and vital step to finding a solution is to recognize the problem and decide you want to work on making things better. Have that talk, and be positive that you’re both on the same page.
To begin with, a great idea is to start going on dates again. Not with other people, of course. Very often couples who have been together for some time tend to skip date nights because they have gotten too comfortable. Sure, slouching on the sofa in your PJs on a Saturday night is a lot more convenient than dressing up for a night at the bar, but it’s also far less stimulating and exciting. Even the fact that you will dress up for each other will mean something – it will mean you are actually interested enough to make an effort.
Second, you should remind your partner (and yourself) the things that make you love and admire each other. Arrange to say one thing every day that makes you love your partner. For example, every morning you can tell your partner “I’m in love with you because…” and add even the smallest things that draw you to her/him. In a routine where we tend to whine about the things our partners do wrong (like forgetting to take out the trash), it’s good to remind our partners of the reasons we actually love them. It might seem tedious or silly at first, but it totally works.
Another trick to make your stale relationship feel fresh again is to compile a list of things that make you have fun, or that you’d like to try. Have you always wanted to visit Paris? Has your partner always wanted to play paintball but you were too bored to follow? Do you both want to try bungee jumping off a bridge? Do you both like ice-skating but have never done it together? Does a bakery class sound interesting to you? Find things that excite you and make you have fun and do them together. Shared fun is the best kind of fun, and it’s incredibly bonding too.
A fourth important factor in reviving a relationship that’s gone a little off is to make things more interesting in the bedroom. If you’re feeling bored in the relationship, things are probably not much better in the sex department. There are 3 words for this issue: spice things up. Talk about the new things you can introduce, sext your partner from work, from the bus, from the next room. Talk dirty, talk about your fantasies and candidly ask your partner for the things that would bring back fire between the sheets. Be open to new suggestions and experiences, and take things one step at a time. You’ll be surprised at how a small change, like a new set of underwear or a fuzzy set of handcuffs, can heat things up again.
And If All Else Fails, Do This
Last, but not least, if the above steps don’t do much for you, don’t hesitate to seek the help of an expert. Couples therapy is not half as daunting as you might imagine, and it can get to the root of the issues you could be facing without even realizing it.
If there is one thing for sure, it’s that modern-day relationships are not the perfectly happy situations we see in Hollywood films or read in romantic novels. They take effort, determination, care, and – above all – they take love. Once love is there, even a stale relationship can become as fresh as hot cakes that have just come out of the oven.