How can you fix your relationship when you feel like your disagreements have already become chronic? This is a tough question to answer because we don’t even know where to start. Should we communicate more? Should we change the way we approach our situation? Is what we’re doing right now worsening the condition we have gotten ourselves in? It’s really tough to get to the bottom of all of these and fix your relationship.
The Therapist Mindset Could Help You Fix Your Relationship
Despite the challenges we face in trying to mend the situation, we must not give up especially if there’s something in the relationship that’s worth saving. Instead of looking at the situation through your own eyes, try a new perspective. Try looking at things in a way that a therapist could. Check the following tips:
1. Focus On The Patterns
When you are in an argument, our basic mindset diverts to identifying who is right and who is wrong. Honestly, this won’t help you fix your relationship. What you can do is look at the patterns more than at your partner. Your friction is likely caused by a habit that you and your partner keep doing. When you identify what this habit or pattern is, change it.
2. Focus On The How
All of a couple’s fights escalate because of emotions. He is angry and so is she. Things get out of hand and words that were not supposed to be thrown around get mentioned consistently. This happens because we focus on our anger, hurt, anxiety and other negative emotions that come from fighting. What you do is deal with your emotions, first of all. When you are done with this process, try to do the opposite of how you would usually react. For example, when you are stressed you distance yourself from the stress source (your significant other). Instead of doing that, come closer to your partner.
3. Problems Are Bad Results Of Something Deeper
Whether it is leaving the dishes unwashed, or the lack of intimacy in the bedroom, the problems you have are likely caused by either fear or stress. Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you wash these dishes like I asked?” you can go with this question: “Help me understand why it is hard for you to do what I asked? I want to understand.”
These are just some of the techniques or ways of thinking a therapist uses to fix any kind of relationship problem. You may ask how you can do this yourself, but you shouldn’t be focusing on that. If your partner sees that change in your actions, he or she will likely be encouraged to do the same. For more tips on fixing relationships, read more posts on our blog.